An amazing engineer colleague has taken on (booming, god-on-the-mountain voice) extra responsibilities. Unfortunately for them, one of those responsibilities is managing me.
They asked me how I like to be managed. I thought it was a good question, so I pushed it into my background processing queue, got distracted, and never answered them.
Periodically I feel guilty about that, so I thought I'd write it down here. Maybe it will help me decide what my answer is…
I guess I should consider a few different things:
- when I've not been managed well
- when I've been managed well
When I've not been managed well
The fool
Many years ago, I was working for a large Enterprise omni-clopse style technology services company. I was young and didn't know what I wanted from life.
Well, that's not quite true. I wanted to change the world of long, loud rock music. But I was kidding myself.
I had fallen into a job as an infrastructure engineer because I'm pretty good at solving problems and I like computers.
The person managing me was… well… they were the worst manager I've ever had. I didn't know that at the time. I'd not had many managers before, so I didn't know what to expect.
There came a point where I wanted to be a software engineer. In a 1-2-1 they asked me about my goals, and I shared that. They gave me a long rambling speech about how I wouldn't enjoy that.
I've been a software engineer for a long time now, and I love it.
I take responsibility for my mistakes… listening to them was a mistake, and that's on me. But I am pretty certain I would have been a software engineer years earlier if I hadn't listened to them.
The absent manager
For a short while I was at a consulting company. My manager was on the same team as me. I think… it was never clear.
I don't remember a single 1-2-1 in the time I was there. Particularly, I don't once remember feeling pushed or supported. I didn't think I was doing super well
Again, I could have done something about this… I'm not looking for someone at fault. But on reflection one of the reasons I left that job was a lack of feedback and a feeling I wasn't valued
When I've been managed well
timely feedback
In a 1-2-1 a long time ago, my manager said: "I'm too busy. And I value that when I see an email chain, and I see you've replied, I can ignore it. Because I know it'll be sorted out."
I didn't think of myself that way. It was super clear about what was happening. And how I could continue or level it up.
I'm not in touch with them anymore, but that short feedback changed my approach more than any other moment I'm aware of
And the reverse, a different manager said (paraphrasing) "I need you to decide when to stop working on something." Really clear, timely example of what I was getting wrong, and how I could fix things.
I am… very easily distracted. One person described it as a "curiosity-driven approach to work."
I used to apologise about this and try hard to avoid it. Until a colleague said: (paraphrasing) "the thing is, you're good at it - why don't you just try and get better, instead of fighting yourself."
This has been transformative. I'm more productive, more present as a parent, and less stressed about my behaviour (not the same as thinking I always get it right 🙈)
context, context, context
Another thing I value — the larger or faster the organization the more I miss it.
A more senior colleague often has context that you don't. Your manager is often that person. And sharing that with you is super valuable.
That might be how you're seen ("your long to-do lists don't help people understand what you're working on").
It might be organizational context, for example, once I was worrying about the specifics of a deadline, a senior colleague said: "We have to spend 90% of the marketing budget printing posters by the second week of the financial year. Nobody will care if your deadline moves, but some will really care if you know you'll miss it completely. Because they can't afford to reprint."
Suddenly, I didn't have to plan what week I would hit something. Just how confident I was for a "yes/no" decision. Way easier, and more helpful!
Or, when an exec at omniclopse was a shouty-man, throwing salesforce at every problem. Learning that they'd been hired specifically to implement salesforce completely changed my understanding of their needs. They were trapped doing something they didn't want to do until they could point at implemented salesforce. And I was trapped with them until then…
That made my job so much easier.
experience / the coach
The person managing you has different experience to you.
A previous manager was a purposeful politician. Helping me understand that I had to give a Director level colleague "something to say yes to" instead of showing them why they were wrong (spoiler they were definitely wrong. I know I sometimes am… but not that time). By giving them something to say yes to, we could get past the loggerhead we were stuck at.
Another manager was great at coaching questions. Pushing you to see where you were missing something and to figure out how to address it. Long walks, with tough questions, that sometimes ended with ice-cream 🧑🍳👌
Does this help me answer their question?
- timely feedback.
- we're all works-in-progress and don't always see what we're getting right or wrong
- in-person feedback is the gold standard, but I prefer feedback sooner. so async is better than missed
- similarly "the coach"
- I worry that I'm not great at reflecting on my work
- I also find impostor syndrome a real problem,
- and I'm "senior" enough that people assume I know what I'm doing
- So, I worry that I get less feedback than I otherwise would
- So, I love to hear critical feedback as much as positive
- I'd rather be asked the uncomfortable question than miss the opportunity to improve
- context, context, context
- one colleague would refer to the "Chief Reminding Officer"
- it's easy to get lost in the forest even with a map in hand
- your manager often has a very different viewpoint (and worries they're too far from the forest)
- I'd rather be reminded of the context more often than I need